“Twenty-three men. There are three whose surnames I can’t remember, including one whose name eludes me entirely. Ten were proper boyfriends. I slept with nine of them only once: five of those were people I already had crushes on, one was dressed as a woman. One was Korean-American, one was Italian. One was Jewish. Two were married. Two were brothers.

One gave me scabies. Two were significantly older than me. One of them was ‘good in bed’, two of them were terrible in bed and two felt faint after sex. One had to have the radio on all night and one kept up a tormenting monologue during sex. There are five that I came to dislike intensely, three that I would sleep with again if I had the chance. I really regretted having sex with six of them. One had an unusually large penis and two had unusually small ones. None of them ‘gave’ me an orgasm, except one – possibly. I wanted it to happen so badly I think I believed my own faking. One is now dead. I loved three of them. I was engaged to three of them (not the same three) and married one of them.

Of course, the men I didn’t get to sleep with are just as important.”

Sad, achingly funny and above all honest, CUTTING UP PLAYGIRL will speak to all women who no longer recognise their own lives in the warped reflections of the modern media.